


Once there were flames, now there are embers

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex, Birth, Both character are underage, Breakup, Cheating (Harry), Dark, F/M, Fingering, Forced Oral Sex, I consider it rape but the character doesn’t, In canon death, Kissing, M/M, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, Mentions of murdering a baby (by Sirius), Miscarriage, Mpreg, Nursing, Secrets, Sex, Teenager lovers, considering murdering someone, could be considered rape, gray snape, non con, pushing someone to have sex, rape actual rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-11 11:40:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20545556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Why did Severus do nothing or seem to do nothing when Harry told him in not so many words that Voldemort had Sirius Black?Was it just a old school bully?Was it the werewolf incident?Was it because of the day by the lake?Or was it something far worse?Two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead.Where we stand, a fire once  roared, now it’s just embers.





	Once there were flames, now there are embers

**Author's Note:**

> This is dark, it’s really dark. It’s a unhappy ending. Many are dead. Severus is alive, but left disabled. 
> 
> Sirius isn’t a good guy in this. He’s well horrid.

Love and hatred are a thin line, a line that is so easy to cross for those who grew up in an abusive home. Strong emotions were always going to be a part of Severus Snape and Sirius Black’s relationship no matter what form it was in. When they first met it was instant dislike, when they were young teenagers it was hatred, for a fickler of a flame it was love, during the second war it was wishing the other to be dead.

The only part that is secret to most of those who knew both men was the love part. There are no happy endings for those who keep secrets. 

How did they go from talking about telling James and Remus about their relationship, to Sirius trying to kill Severus? Wouldn’t you like to know? But that’s the same reason why Professor Snape didn’t call the order when Harry told him that “that Padfoot is where they keep secrets”.

Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

*******

Severus Snape was not a beautiful child, he was not a handsome teenager, so when his bully of Sirius Black kissed him? He thought it was a horrible joke. That, someone, was going to step out from a corner and take a magical photo of his shocked face. 

Of course he thought Black was attractive who didn’t? That long rebellious wavy black hair that touched his collar. So unlike Severus’s own that simply looked like he was too lazy to get it cut, and last time he did the person who cut it was half blind. His sliver blue eyes, his crooked grin, his broad shoulders, Quidditch toned body. Why in the world we he want anything to do with someone like Severus Snape?

For one his hair. It’s jagged ends, too long to be for fashion length, his pale sickly colored skin from not enough sun, his far too skinny frame, his eyes were as black as a raven’s wing. The only thing Severus thought that was mildly attractive about himself. He was sixteen years old, all gangly uncoordinated limbs that he clearly was never going to grow into, the rest of his frame looked like it belonged to a underfed first year. No matter how much he ate during the year the time during the summer without enough food left him very much underweight. He was not a fifteen girl who could pass off keeping herself skinny because it made her sexy.

No it just made him look worse than he would if he was at a healthy weight. Not to mention the nose he inherited from his father Tobias. It had been broken a few time from the man he inherited it from, another few times from the marauders themselves. 

You see Severus had no reason to believe Sirius when he said to him “Snape I think your hot” even if was true.

Sirius Black, however, wasn’t one to give up. He was undeterred by Severus claiming he wasn’t interested, not that it was true Severus was very interested. He came every time he touched himself with Sirius's name being gasped or worse whined. Not that Severus would ever admit that he whined. To anyone not even himself.

Three months into their sixth year however Severus finally gave in. Mostly due to the fact he was lonely. So very lonely. Lily was no longer speaking to him. Every single time he tried to speak to her she simply pretended he wasn’t there or sent a stinging hex in his direction. 

The other boys in Slytherin wouldn’t speak to him because they didn’t think a boy who was following a Gryffindor girl around begging for her forgiveness deserved to be Slytherin, let alone a death eater no matter what Lucius Malfoy said. 

Even though she wasn’t speaking to him, it nearly shattered Severus when he found out Lily started dating James Potter. As if she had totally forgotten all the other boy had put her former friend through. Well if she could date Potter, then he could enjoy whatever it is Sirius Black wanted to do with him. What was the harm in a little fun? It’s not like Black was dropping on his knees asking for his hand in marriage. 

Not that Severus actually wouldn’t like that. Considering he was gay and marrying into a family like the Blacks even a disowned son would improve his station. And it’s not like Sirius was horrible to look at anyway. Not that whoever Severus married one day had to be handsome. Or good looking. Or nice.

If Severus married it would simply about improving his and his mother’s station in the wizarding world. A marriage could help him be able to get his mastery in potion’s and part of the agreement was going to be a small amount of money going to take care of his mother after she had worked so hard to care for him growing up.

Severus sighed loudly and wrote the elder Black a letter, saying to meet him in the astronomy tower at ten tonight. He sighed as his small brown barn owl flew in circles before landing near Sirius Black who was sitting alone for once. Lupin was Merlin knows where James and Lily were making kissy faces at each other over breakfast and Peter was sitting next to his own rather pudgy girlfriend not unlike himself. He needed to lose the weight that Severus needed to gain. A few minutes later Severus’s owl was back the letter tied to her small leg said: “see you then, SB”.

Severus sighed he couldn’t unsend the letter, and he really wanted to see if Black actually wanted to be with him or if it was just a cruel prank. At least hopefully after tonight, he will have spent time with someone who wasn’t calling him a blood traitor, ignoring him outright or sending stinging hexes his way. Or it could be totally worse and Black could steal his clothes and make him walk back to Slytherin naked. 

Whatever at least after tonight Black would get what he wanted and he would stop trying to flirt with him, trying to kiss him, and smacking his ass. Why did he think that was a way to tell another boy you liked him? Not that Severus knew the right way either himself though. 

******

When Sirius saw that Severus had shown up he kissed him, soundly, like the other boy was a glass of water in a desert, and the only way to get it was by kissing him. Severus was shocked, but let the other boy into his mouth a gasp. Their fingers tangled in their hair, they pressed up against each other. Sirius shockingly was the one to pull away and say “we should talk about us” as he waved his hand “whatever this is”.

Severus nodded. Sirius sat against a wall, but when Severus tried to sit next to him he pulled the Slytherin into his lap. He needed the reminder Sev actually was here, he was real and he wanted whatever this was going to be with him.

Sirius Black has had a crush on Severus since the day they met on the train in their first year, but like most stupid boys he thought because he was told by others the way to show it was to tease the person he had a crush on. And then there was James Potter, who turned Sirius’s while nasty not that harmful teasing into bullying and sometimes downright sexual assault.

When James stripped Severus naked last year? It taught Sirius no good would come of continuing doing what James wanted. No good would come of treating the boy he likes, well dirt. Severus Snape deserved better than to be treated like a piece of trash. He deserved better than to think no one ever would want him. But honestly, that’s what mostly James and Sirius had been saying for years so no wonder why the Slytherin thought just that? Who would blame him?

Sirius kissed Severus’s forehead. Even in the moonlight, Siri could tell the other boy was blushing. Snape seemed to enjoy the most basic attention of another the way no Sirius had ever met before did. Maybe that’s why Lily had been his friend. Because she enjoyed something thinking the sun rose and set on her ass. Not that she deserved that thought, Sirius. Dumping her friend because he was upset, angry, stripped naked in front of his classmates.

Surely the girl has never been hurt by anyone before. Sirius had been though. By his parents, well mostly his mother. Sometimes his father when he got really drunk. Sometimes even by Bellatrix the few times she was allowed over into their home. Though her visits were extremely rare she was by far the worst.

The boys talked about nothing and everything that night. They decided they would give whatever this was a chance, they wouldn’t tell Sirius’s friends until they were sure their whatever it was stable, and they could handle their likely displeasure. Neither was sure they would ever make it to that point. 

They made out again before they said goodbye, once back in their respective dorm rooms, both boys came to thoughts about what had happened that night, thoughts about what it would have been like to take things even further. Sirius was happy he put up a silencing charm as he shouted Severus’s name as he came. He removed it and fell asleep. Severus fell asleep in a puddle of his own cum with Sirius’s name on his bitten pink lips.

********

Severus was sucking Sirius’s cock. To Siri, it was one of the prettiest sights he had ever seen. Those big black eyes with those long lashes staring up at him, a small amount of unshed tears clinging to those eyelashes, pale thin lips wrapped around him, his fingers twisted in soft not at all greasy black hair, well since he bought Snape a better shampoo to use when he found out the other boy was only using soap to wash his hair. “Because they didn’t even sometimes have that at home”. 

Severus deserved better than the bits and pieces that Sirius got from his boyfriend. He deserved better. His muggle brute of a father who drank away both his and his wife’s paychecks away. A distant mother, who didn’t protect her son. He could voice all he wanted to, to Snape about his father, but one wrong mention about Eileen Prince and Severus was back to being the violent little snot of a Slytherin James sometimes called him. 

So neither spoke much about their parents and it was better that way. Each had a shitty childhood it was just shitty in very different ways.

He came down his boyfriend’s throat and like the good little cock sucker Severus as he drank every drop, even licking Sirius clean afterward. Man Snape was a freak, but so was he. 

They were in the room of requirement, it was better to meet here than anywhere else, and it was also far more comfortable. Sirius told Severus to strip, they had been in a relationship for a month now, Severus was hesitating on actual anal sex, when pressured he tended to offer to suck his boyfriend off instead. 

Sirius’s solution was to slowly introduce his boyfriend to penetrative sex, by bringing him off mostly by touching his prostate. Severus seemed to enjoy it, and it was also slowly helping him adjust to the idea one day something else, something larger than fingers would be inside of him. Today however Sirius wanted to use a toy on his boyfriend, or rather inside his boyfriend.

He told Severus to strip, which he did without question. Sirius had started to notice while Sev wouldn’t admit it to anyone, he enjoyed being told what to do. Or at least that’s what Sirius suspected from their various encounters over the last month. He liked having a boyfriend who seemed to enjoy being told when to take off their clothes, how to lay, where to lay, to suck him. And what time they were going to meet, not a question of if they could meet.

Sirius wasn’t going to lie to himself he was a rather controlling boyfriend. Not that Severus seemed to mind, that is. His boyfriend was on all fours on the bed, naked as the day he was born. His long black hair hanging in face. His colt like legs spread.

He touched Severus’s flank like he was calming a racehorse. “Let go Sev that’s it, just enjoy it, don’t overthink it,” Sirius whispered to him. He sat the pot of oil next to Severus. Dipping two fingers in it. He started to open the pale teen up. Severus’s hissed at the feeling, but allowed him to continue. He started to relax so Sirius added another finger to the two already inside his boyfriend. And then he found it. Severus’s prostrate. His boyfriend whined loudly into his crossed arms in front of him. 

But he pushed back on Sirius’s fingers trying to get more of that feeling, trying to get more of those sparks in his belly. Sirius dug out the toy he wanted to try on Severus he pulled out his fingers, which caused the skinny teen to whimper, and try to push back to keep the fingers in. 

“Sweetheart your going to like this even more than my fingers”.

Severus cried out “no Sirius I am not ready for that! Please don’t do that!”

”Severus settle down, I am not going to fuck you tonight. I have a toy a present that will help you prepare for the time when I do fuck you, is that okay?” 

Severus nodded. 

“Speak up Princess, I need to hear you say it” Said Sirius. 

Severus said “yes that’s okay, you can do that”.

After teasing Severus with the toy, and not allowing him to finish Sirius convinced Severus to allow him to have sex with him. And that was the moment he went truly from a pushy boyfriend to a controlling one, who ignored his partner’s limits.

*****

Severus told Sirius no two months later, right before the full moon, he was tired of not having the other boy not listen to him. Sirius clearly didn’t respect him. The other boy since he took his virginity, had sex with him whenever, wherever he pleased. And sometimes it hurt. When Sirius had a bad day he took it out on Severus’s body. 

As much as Severus thought since Sirius had mentioned telling his friends about him that they were making progress in their relationship? He didn’t want progress if it meant more of being stripped naked shoved face-first into a couch’s arm and fucked, without much perpetration. He even bled a little from that time. He didn’t dare go to Madam Pomfrey for fear of what the school mediwitch would tell him. 

So he took a general healing potion and cried into his pillows, alone. 

Regulus found him like that, covered in his own snot. In more pain than he could ever imagine being in. He didn’t tell his friend he should go to the nurse, but did his best to heal him. And said once he was done, “you should break up with whoever thought he had the right to do this to you”.

Severus snarled at him “even if I love him?”

Regulus said, “even if you love him, because anyone who did this to you surely doesn’t love you”.

So next time Sirius requests Severus’s presence like he was some sort of dog and Sirius was his master? Severus met him and then refused to have sex with him of any kind. He said no. 

So Sirius mocked him. “Little Sevy is a baby scared of sex?”

Severus snarled “no I am clearly not scared of sex Sirius! We have been having it for months.”

“Well come find me when you get over whatever your problem is” laughed Sirius. And then he told Severus how to get through the whomping Willow, but not what would be at the other end of the tunnel. 

We all know what happened next. Severus does as he’s told, thankfully James learned that Sirius shared the information with Severus. James saves his life, he ends up owing the man he hates second-most in the world. The first being Sirius Black, of course. 

Severus Snape passed out in the arms of James Potter the moment they stepped back inside Hogwarts. The teenager shook the other boy “Snape seriously this isn’t funny wake up!”

James looked for bite marks, no Remus didn’t get him. What the fucking hell is wrong with Snape he thought to himself. He shook the pale sickly-looking teen again. Nothing. No snark, no backtalk. No calling James a horrid name. The Slytherin was dead to the world for a reason that had nothing to do with Werewolves or James.

******

Severus woke up under comfortable blankets. They were fluffy and downy. Nothing like the rough wool blankets he had on his bed at home. The bed itself was too small to be his bed at Hogwarts. Then he was hit with a wave of nausea. This is how he had spent his mornings for the last three weeks. His black eyes sprung open as he vomited over the side of the bed. Madam Pomfrey held a bucket under his chin. She muttered, “their child, easy now lay back slowly”. Nothing but bile came up, he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday the nausea never really going away and it sucked his appetite dry. 

He did as he was told, and laid back once he was finished losing the part of his stomaching lining. He curled on his side in a fetal position. Shutting his eyes trying to pretend he wasn’t in his most hated place, the hospital wing. 

The old woman pulled a stool close to his bed and said “Severus you're pregnant. Considering you haven’t come to see me about this vomiting I doubt you even know it’s possible.”

Severus shook his head. No boys can’t get pregnant. He was a boy, boys don’t get pregnant!

She patted his arm, “I know what your thinking but yes boys can, well wizards that is. We don’t know exactly when the change happened, but it has something to do with the magical core. It takes a powerful wizard to become a bearer, and I should have had a chat with you Severus since your the type it can happen to. But you never mentioned to anyone about being gay, so I assumed much to your likely dismay now the fact wizards can bear child would never affect you. But it seems I was wrong and it did. This is usually something to tell their sons about. And being that you're a half-blood I assumed your mother would, I have a “class” for muggleborn boys to explain this fact. If I would have known your mother never told I would have added you to it in your first year”.

Severus let out a whine, no it couldn’t be. But it was true it explained why his trousers barely fit his waist anymore, it explained the sickness, it explained the slight barely-there softness only he would notice around his middle, instead of his normal concave belly it was now flat. When he could not keep anything down. But it just couldn’t be though he couldn’t afford to bring a child into this world when he could not even afford to buy a new pair of trousers that actually fit. He was poor, poorer than he ever liked to admit. And when his father found out? 

Severus Snape would be poor, pregnant and homeless. He had broken up with Sirius so now the boy would likely not help him. Not that he would of anyway. Severus Snape was not the marrying kind, he was just a toy to break and throw away. And now it seems to leave pregnant. 

He wasn’t stupid if the pregnancy was connected to his magical core he was stuck with it. Stuck with this baby he couldn’t afford. But even if could he wouldn’t get rid of it. Severus Snape was going to have something that no one, not anyone could take from him. Something to care for, something to try and raise better than his parents had raised him. This wasn’t Sirius’s baby it was his.

The mediwitch gave him some pamphlets on pregnancy and male pregnancy. She gave him potions to help with the nausea, and others to help him gain weight he so desperately would need to as the pregnancy progressed he was still twenty pounds underweight. 

She patted his arm and sent him back to his dorm room, she would have his professors excuse him for the day. And just before he left she said: “Severus you know I have to tell the headmaster, and with you refusing to tell me the other father, we will have to tell paternity once we are able to buy muggle methods in your sixth month of pregnancy, unless your willing to tell me now.”

He shook his head, but did not speak. If he could avoid it no one, not anyone would know his baby’s father. He was scared of what Sirius Black would do to him or it when he found out about the pregnancy.

***********

A month later Severus snarled at himself in the mirror. He was only three months pregnant surely he shouldn’t be putting on weight now! He reminded himself of what Pomfrey had said because he started out so much underweight she had him on potions to gain weight.

But the fact is she wasn’t going to buy him new trousers, she wasn’t going to buy him a new button-up shirts or even a new sweater. That was his problem alone. She wasn’t the one who found the little entrance behind his balls either, the one the pamphlets had warned about.

His body was changing rapidly and Severus could barely deal with the emotional impact. The Financial Impact of a changing body didn’t help matters. He had spelled his trousers larger to the point they were threadbare, one more time and they would likely rip. 

Regulus found the young pregnant man crying sitting on the floor of the bathroom. Snape never cries he thought. Well, he has once, but he had a good reason then. He looked over his classmate taking in his half-naked body, no he thought it couldn’t be. Even this early along it was clear without his shirt on Severus wasn’t just gaining weight. 

His belly wasn’t soft-looking, but hard looking, along with the softness he was gaining in his chest. It was clear to the pureblood wizard. Severus Snape was pregnant. And simple guessing and having followed the boy months ago? He figured it out easily whose child it was. Sirius Black’s disowned brother. Nearly all of Regulus's life he had been cleaning up Sirius’s messes, clearly even with the other boy disowned now would be no different. 

“Hey, what’s wrong” he asked Severus. 

“None of your business Black” snarled Snape. 

“You see Snape a little bit of guessing and thinking about it is my business, isn’t it? Being that your pregnant with Sirius’s child? Even with him disowned the child will still be a Black” said Regulus.

“Fine, yes I am pregnant, yes it’s your brother’s, yes he doesn’t know, no he isn’t because you know how he is. And the most frustrating part of this pregnancy? My trousers don’t fit. I am poor, poor as hell. I can’t get another new pair of trousers. So I don’t even know how I am going to feed this baby, or take care of it, or where we will live or what I will eat. So that’s my freaking problem” Said Severus, shutting his black eyes and banging his fist on the tile floor of the restroom.

“I am willing to help you, and my family will as well. And you will nurse the baby for the first year or so of its life. I can take you to Hogsmeade tomorrow to get you clothes that fit. I can loan you some today they aren’t going to exactly fit, your taller than me, but thinner. Will you let me do that?” Said Regulus.

Severus nodded, what other choice did he have? 

Regulus went back to his rooms and grabbed Severus clothing. A pair of trousers, a button up shirt, and a sweater. 

He handed them to Severus back in the bathroom. Severus sighed these were softer than any of his clothes, and they were school clothing. His skin had been so sensitive, so touchy to the rough fabric of his clearly cheaper clothing that his mother had bought him two years ago. 

He changed into Regulus’s clothing. The trousers did show his bony ankles, though they were slightly loose around his belly thankfully. The shirt fits well. His chest was softer than three months ago, not that he was going to admit it. The sweater smelled like Regulus, unfortunately, who smelled like Sirius. He could make do for a day. He put on the well-worn leather boots and left the bathroom with Regulus. 

**********

Severus was five months pregnant when Sirius finally was able to catch him alone. He was visibly pregnant, showing more than a woman would. He was walking back from a detention with all professors, McGonagall who didn’t like that he talked back to her when she complained about him running out of class without asking to vomit. 

Did she want it on her floor? It seems she would have rather had it on the floor of her classroom. It likely had nothing to do with the fact that he ran out, but the fact he was a Slytherin student who did not ask permission and ran out. Same as someone who was a Slytherin that wasn’t trying to buy fame with kindness who was a Slytherin would feel about a Gryffindor doing the same.

He didn’t hate Mcgonagall, she was just doing her job. He hated Slughorn for his favoritism, of those with money, power, and looks. A greasy, underage, pregnant, ugly half-blood was not someone who Slughorn wanted to collect, even if he could write the textbook better himself. What was intelligence compared to looks? Right?

Sirius grabbed him nearly flinging the pregnant teen into an empty classroom. He hissed at the other boy in the darkness “you should of gotten rid of it. Aborted it. Now myself and your gross ass are connected for life!”

“Black you don’t have to do a thing for the baby or I. I have asked nothing of you. I want nothing from you! All I want is for you to pretend she doesn’t exist and we were never together!” Cried Severus, as he backed away from Sirius who stalked him like he was prey.

“You know nothing about purebloods don’t you Snape, why would a greasy halfblood like yourself know anything about purebloods. With your muggle lover mummy?” Laughed Sirius. 

“You see I can’t just pretend it doesn’t exist. Magic doesn’t like it when people do that you see, and even if magic doesn’t do anything about it, because my little brother takes care of you? Like the good freak he is? My parents and relatives will try and force my hand. More so that it’s children will be pureblood. And you being from the Prince line, which is nearly died out.”

“I want nothing from you Black, nothing from your family. I will disappear after she’s born. I will go to Russia where my great grandmother is from. Or I will go to Ireland. You can pretend we never even existed”. Said Severus trying to make his way to the door before he was cut off by Sirius again. 

Sirius clucked his tongue at Severus “then you should have stayed away from my brother Sevy. You should have stayed away from my brother. Are you sleeping with him now? Couldn’t get enough of me, so when I was done with you my brother became sloppy seconds? You're not good enough for Regulus Snape. You're not even good enough for me, you're not good enough to carry my child. It should be drowned at birth, because of you being its mother.”

Severus snarled at Sirius “you will never meet my daughter Black! She’s mine! You will have not a single thing to do with her. You don’t even deserve to look upon her after she’s born. She’s my baby. She’s my world. She’s going to be a far better person than you will ever be. I am no saint Sirius Black, but you raped me! You forced me nearly daily to have sex with you, and if you try and anywhere near my daughter I will give those memories to the Aurors, and you can rot in Azkaban for all I care. Regulus can do whatever he wishes you are not your brother’s keeper.”

Sirius shoved Severus down, twisting his fingers into his hair. Severus screamed out help. Someone help. No one was around to hear him. And Sirius quickly shut him up by shoving his cock into Snape’s mouth. 

He snarled at the black-eyed teen “bite me and I will kick you till you miscarriage that little freak you carry”. 

Severus quietly sat there and allowed Sirius to do as he pleased. Desperately afraid of what the former Black heir would do to him, or worst his unborn daughter if he did not. So Severus Tobias Snape allowed himself to be raped to save his life and the life of his daughter. Sometimes the only thing you can do to survive is just to hide in your mind, don’t fight and most of all when it’s said and done live. Severus just wanted to live, and live for his baby. So that’s what he did.

*********

The next morning Regulus found a bruised Severus hiding away in his bed in his dorm room. He said, “Severus what happened to you?”

Severus snarled “nothing happened to me. I run into bloody walls for fun!”

Regulus asked, “it was my brother wasn’t it?”

Severus snapped “of course it was your brother! He doesn’t like that you're helping me. He thinks Lyra should be drowned at birth! Or that he should try to kill her before she’s even born!”

Regulus said “you need to tell someone! He can’t be allowed to....”

Severus spoke “do those things to me? It’s my on leverage on him to keep him out of my and later Lyra’s life. I have no cards in my hand if they don’t lock him away if I use it. Him beating me up, and forcing me to suck him off isn’t the worst he could do. He could try and take her away from me once she’s born. I don’t want to even think about what he would do to her!”

Regulus said “I wish we had another option to get him put away, he’s surely dangerous and clearly not stable. The Potters aren’t likely helping matters look at their own son.”

Severus just gave Regulus a knowing look and shrugged. Severus was naked under the blanket he slept with his curtains closed and dressed and undressed behind them. The sheets where far kinder to his sensitive skin than clothing. He was only five months along, but he felt like a beached whale. But he also couldn’t get the feeling of Sirius’s hands off his skin. He couldn’t get the taste of the man off his tongue. 

So Severus sat up naked as the day he was born, and kissed Regulus. Who was just shocked. He said “I know you don’t really like me this way. I know I am not much to look at, but please let me have one good time with someone. Please take me so I don’t feel his fingers on my skin every night, please Regulus teach me how its suppose to feel.”

“Fuck” Regulus hissed, Severus ducked as if he was worried about a blow that would never come. Regulus said “love I am not going to hurt you. I want you and I should not.”

Severus asked black eyes wide, “why not?”

“Because you deserve more than me, but I want you.” And with that Regulus kissed the other boy, slipping off his clothing, then laying them on the bed. He asked “you're not into this? We can stop?”

Severus sighed, “no Reg I want you, I want you more than anything. But the pregnancy makes it where I can’t get hard. Feel.” Severus took his hand and placed it at the opening behind his balls. It was wet, hairless, and Regulus couldn’t get enough of the idea.

He slipped a finger inside Severus, who arched into his touch. 

What seemed like hours later, but may have only been a half-hour later. Regulus spooned behind Severus. His palm flat on Severus’s rounded belly. He whispered in his ear “she’s mine Severus, Lyra is mine. To anyone who asked she’s our daughter. We will raise her together. We will get married. And one day together we will give her siblings, and I am even willing to carry them.”

Severus smiled at that, but mentioned “Reg I will carry her siblings. I don’t hate being pregnant. I like being this close to the baby before it’s born. She’s a part of me.”

Regulus said “okay, then will you marry me Severus”.

“Yes, when the timing is right”.

********

The timing was right a month later, they married quietly in a church not that far from Hogwarts. Because Severus said Regulus was the father he would not force to add the actual father forcibly outed. Mrs Black wasn’t happy, but her answer was “I married my husband younger than you are now Severus. Family matters in this family. That is my granddaughter. And I wish you two a happy life.” 

Severus and Regulus kissed. Lyra would have happy loving parents at least for a few years. The young couple thought that they would have forever though.

*****

Severus screamed, howled more like it. Everything hurt. Even his throat from all the screaming. Lyra it seemed didn’t want to be born. She didn’t want to face the world. Maybe his unborn child knew something they did not. Or maybe she simply was stubborn like her father and her sperm donor as the referred to him in private when they spoke about him. 

Nineteen hours of labor, and barely anything. Nineteen hours and barely any progress. Regulus was struggling to stay awake in his chair. But no sleep was far better than the contractions which Severus was suffering through. The pain potions had minimal effect. And they caused him to vomit up bile. 

Next dose he outright refused them. Madam Pomfrey shook her head and called him stubborn. But was she the one who vomited six times in a row, thought Severus. No, she was not. 

The mediwitch checked his cervix one more time. Without asking him, which caused Severus to snarl at her. Which snapped Regulus awake. “What has Severus said about letting him know what you're doing? He doesn’t like being touched!”

She said simply “it doesn’t matter Mr Black, the other Mr Black labor has not progressed, and is unlikely to progress as I feel. I am going to call Saint Mungos to transfer him over for your daughter to be born by a C section. I think it’s for the best of her and of Mr Black.”

When she left to make the fire call, Regulus hissed “disrespectful bitch, I hate her.”

And with that Severus started vomiting again. Maybe it was for the best he went to Saint Mungos, thought Regulus. This wasn’t going well. 

Six hours later Severus lay in a surgical unit of Saint Mungos, they had tried to induce his labor without success, Lyra was now in distress so they could no longer wait, and Severus’s own blood pressure was higher than they liked. 

He was numb, but awake. They had also given him something for his nausea. Regulus was dressed in sterile clothing and kneeled by Severus’s head, clutching his hand. He was likely more nervous than Severus himself. He was only sixteen though. They both were so young, but they would do their best for Lyra thought Severus. 

He felt the pressure as they started to cut with a muggle object he didn’t know what it was called. And within fifteen minutes they heard their daughter’s cries. She was healthy, and quite loud. Severus got a glimpse of her for a second, she had a thick head of black hair as expected, curly though unlike his own, pale skin, and dark blue eyes, that were likely going to turn black. 

Hours later in a hospital room he nursed her. She was solid and warm in his arms, for something so small. She helped remind him everything here was real. Something told him his happiness while wonderful would not last. He shoved it aside when Regulus came to sit with them on the bed and when she was finished took Lyra into his own arms. “Lyra Eliza Black” he whispered to their daughter. “You gave your daddy a lot of trouble today.” 

She smiled at him, her newborn blue eyes more black than blue. She was going to look like a strong mix between the Blacks and the Princes. Though she did have a fairly small nose thankfully. 

********

Years down the road Lyra played in a park with Regulus the only father she had ever known besides Severus when Sirius Black of all people informed his brother about something possibly able to bring down Voldemort. Something that must be found. 

Regulus later that night didn’t tell his husband about what his brother had mentioned, or that Sirius now sober not like the night he raped Severus, didn’t even make the connection that Lyra was actually his daughter. Maybe, Orion, their father had removed the memory as he had promised Regulus he would do. 

That is after they confessed to the parent who was likely to understand. The man who understood why Severus would not want to raise a child with his son, who did inherit the Black madness that Regulus had avoided, thankfully. Or maybe he had been too drunk that night to remember anything really. Or maybe the man didn’t really care he had a child, a daughter. 

Sirius even though he was a godfather from the rumors Regulus had heard through the grapevine, his brother was not the type to settle down with children. He surely wasn’t someone who should be raising children. His own mental instability being the largest reason, along with his love of drink, and abusive nature. 

Sirius Black was functionally like his mother Walburga. Mentally unstable and abusive. She may be Regulus’s mother, but part of him was happy she was gone. 

He kissed his husband’s cheek as Severus worked on dinner. These were happy days he thought, and he wasn’t going to let Sirius’s wild goose chase which might not even free them from the dark lord’s thumb, which his mother forced them under, held any water. He wasn’t going to count on something so silly. But he was going to look into though. No harm would come from it.

***********

Regulus Black was wrong to harm did come from his choice to look into what he seemed to be researching; that Severus couldn’t make sense of. Dammit, he thought, why couldn’t he figure it out! If his husband was willing to die for it, it had to be worth it. 

Then weeks later he heard the prophecy about the boy born at the end of July, and he gave it to the dark lord some of it at least the part he heard. Trying to buy favor so he didn’t end up dead. So Lyra didn’t loose her only living parent so soon. 

But when he realized it was Lily Potter’s child he had to do something. Teenage pranks and laughter be damned. Stinging hexes be damned. There must be a way to protect both Lyra and the Potters, he thought for a second in his daughter’s purple bedroom, as he watched her sleep. Unable to sleep in the bed he shared with Regulus. A marriage of convenience became a marriage of great love. So he slept on a pile of blankets at his daughter’s bedside both to avoid his marital bed and also to sleep guard near Lyra, because of her own nightmares after Regulus’s death. 

He rocked in the rocker he use to rock Lyra when she was still nursing, years ago, with his head in his hands. There was only one solution to protect Lyra and the Potters. Turn traitor. Turn towards Dumbledore for help. Sell his own soul, and become a spy, and protect his daughter, who was his whole world, and the Potters, but mostly Lily.

So the next morning as his daughter played in Dumbledore’s office? That’s what he did. He traded one master for another. But at least the Potters would be safe right? And he did ask the Dark Lord to not touch Lily if he found them on the off chance this didn’t work. Stating she could be a mother for Lyra after Regulus’s death. 

Lyra’s children if she married right would be pureblood after all? So she needed someone who Severus could tolerate as her other parent and very few people fit the bill or so he claimed to the dark lord.

Lyra was hidden in plain sight when he worked at Hogwarts she mostly stayed in his rooms while he worked, watched over by a faithful house elf that had once raised his own mother Eileen, decades ago. Sara was her name. And she was soft-spoken and kind. She also adored Lyra. And Severus because he was Eileen’s son, she missed her former Mistress greatly and wished she would of helped raise her now master as she should of. 

All of what he had done just as he couldn’t save Regulus, Severus couldn’t save Lily Potter. He lost it when he found out she died. Nearly end up in a ward in St Mungos. And then to find out Harry would be sent to Petunia? 

He broke nearly everything on Dumbledore’s desk with uncontrollable magic. He was pregnant again. But it didn’t matter or was for a short time, the stress of everything caused him to miscarry his and Regulus’s son. Who was buried next to Regulus once they finally found the body months after he had died. The boy’s name like his grandfather before him was fitting. Orion Regulus Black. And with the death of his unborn son, part of Severus Black stopped caring about living, only surviving to take care of Lyra, and as he promised one day to care for Harry Potter once he came to Hogwarts.

With all the pain though he made a choice when death came for Severus Tobias Black he would not run from it. He would not hide from it. He would invite it and allow it to take him. He would not kill himself, no. But he wouldn’t do a lot of things to avoid it either. Lyra he thought when the time came likely would be old enough to survive without him. 

*******

Severus decided to send Lyra off to be homeschooled by tutors with his mother, who while old was still alive when Harry Potter started school. She wasn’t allowed to be involved in the war, he had been homeschooling her before that, with the help of some other teachers. 

The best way to keep Lyra safe, was for very few people to know she even existed. Those on the dark side pretended she didn’t. A little poison they knew, and speaking about Lyra Black might be the last words they say. 

She was off limits if they valued their lives, and all did. And those who didn’t were locked in Azkaban for the start of the war, and they didn’t even know she existed. Narcissa Malfoy started a rumor when her sister escaped that Lyra had died of a odd strain of Dragon pox. 

Lyra Eliza Black, however, was quite well. A teenager, and then a grown woman for the war. When everything was going on she saw little of her dad. He pushed, then insisted, then used his own mother against her make her go to Paris to study potions with experts there at eighteen. 

She didn’t want to join the light, the light was part of the reason they lost Regulus. It was why she could not go to Hogwarts. “Professor Snape” as he was called needed to be nasty to Harry Potter. He needed to be mean to non-Slytherins, he couldn’t do that if people saw him hugging his teenager, then an adult daughter. Could he?

Sirius Black was the other reason. The man came close to realizing what his drunken mind had forgotten all those years ago, what Orion’s spell stopped him from remembering. He had a daughter. A child with one Severus Snape. You see that’s why Severus didn’t call the order right away because he didn’t want the spell on Sirius to continue to break. To continue to lift. 

Because one night before that battle at the Department of Mysteries Sirius Black clutched Severus’s robe covered arm like his very life depended on it, maybe his memory did. And he said “I know Snape that there is something important I forgot. Sometimes I get flashes. Sometimes I remember my dreams. Sometimes I remember things someone wanted me to forget. And when Dumbledore gets back he’s going to help me remove the spell on my mind. And if you put it there Snape, or you're hiding a child like I think you are, there will be hell to pay for you and the line stealing bastard of yours.”

The man was drunk, and it brought Severus back to all those years ago. A lifetime ago, when he thought he had loved Sirius Black. Once they stood like this their was a fire, a fire that was like their love, and now it was just embers of hatred. He said to Sirius knowing the man would know “where we stand a fire once roared, and it’s just embers. My love for you once was like a fire, and now my hatred is not even embers. Because Black your brother years ago, for a few short years taught me what love could be. He is waiting for me on the other side if there is one, and you Black are just an angry old rapist who spent too much time in prison for a crime you didn’t commit, instead of the one you did. Stay away from my family Black, there are many ways to do away with someone besides the killing curse”. 

Sirius screeched like a wounded dog, then said to Snape “that’s a fancy way of saying you stole my child Snape! A child who I want back! I am its sire I have the right to have it under wizarding law!”

Severus thought to himself, however, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. And said nothing leaving Black to holler like the madman he was.

He planned on killing Black with a potion one no would think to look for, in the body of man who the wizarding world believed killed the Potters. Instead, it happened to fall into his lap, or so he thought it did. When Potter told him that Padfoot was in the place where things were hidden? He told the order nothing. Instead of getting Black out of the way without adding more blood to his hands, however, he nearly got Harry killed. And that was far from his goal. 

However, when Black did rush in to save the boy, Bellatrix Lestrange killed her cousin. He fell through the vail. As Severus heard about later on? He didn’t feel one drop of guilt, one drop of pain. One drop of mourning. All he could think was now Lyra is safe in Paris. And his rapist was dead. 

It didn’t stop the nightmares, it didn’t stop the pain. It didn’t stop the cold sweats, the feeling of hands holding him down, it didn’t stop him from being terrified of another’s touch. Regulus knew how to handle him in bed so they could have a functional sex life, that wasn’t the case with late-night hookups though. So Severus stopped trying at all. It was just one more thing to add to the list of things that Sirius Black took from him. But he now couldn’t try and take Lyra at least, even if she was now an adult in Paris. 

No, her sperm donor likely would have tried to ruin her life, when he realized he couldn’t have her or something even worse Severus would not think about. Now he just had to play his part to the end, and that was that. And teach Potter to protect his mind. He chopped the nettles, yeah right he thought, he would be better off teaching pigs to fly. They could, in theory, Potter’s mind, however, it was like an open book asking someone to read it. 

This weekend however he was going to Paris to visit Lyra and his mother. They were all that mattered to him. Not Dumbledore, not Potter. Not his fellow teachers. Not his students. Not the death eaters. Not the Dark Lord himself. All that mattered to Severus Tobias Black was Lyra and that’s all that ever would. 

********

Severus Black did as he and Dumbledore had agreed on, besides the fact when he gave Harry his memories, he gave him his real ones. Not lies about his love for Lily Potter. Who had only ever been his friend, his best friend, but only his friend. 

And when the boy saw his professor being raped by his Godfather he nearly vomited. When he saw that the man found love with Regulus Black he cheered. And just as soon that he had lost it. He saw a girl with curly black hair playing in the Dungeons, her birthdays, learning to ride a broom, he got to see that Severus Black was in fact human. 

He didn’t know what to think when he found out that Snape was a large portion of the reason Sirius was dead. The man wanted to do something to Lyra Severus’s daughter, but he was also the only father figure Harry had, besides Remus and the latter was iffy at best. 

Then he watched as Dumbledore asked the man if he had grown to care for Harry himself. And with that, a Patronus launched from his wand it was a lioness. She jumped around the room snarling. And then he spoke of Lyra his daughter, who was earning her mastery in Potions.

Dumbledore asked “the Lion is for?”

Severus answered soundly “Regulus Black. He’s the little king star or the Lion. They are why I continue. For his memory, and her safety. Harry Potter’s protection just aligns with that.”

Harry pulled out the memory after he heard that he had to die. 

He went to the forest, but afterward, all went as it should. Hagrid carries him after Narcissa says he’s dead, he kills Voldemort and all who die cannot be saved.

Hours later a witch walks into the castle that had once been her home all those years ago. She was dressed in a black heavy wool cloak. Under it was a long black dress. Her hair, her curls were wild around her. Her black eyes took everything in. 

She looked for her father. On the side of those with the light, and those waiting to go to their cells at the ministry. He was not on either side. She shouted for all to hear “Where is Severus Tobias Black. I see neither him nor his body!”

”Who are you talking about? Professor Snape? And why does it matter to you? Whoever you are?” Asked Hermione. This woman looked to have Black blood in her. Though she did look like Snape, maybe a cousin?

“It matters to me because he’s my dad. That’s why it matters. My dad has given everything to this stupid war, as my other did. I want to find him and take him back to Paris where I live with my grandmother Eileen Prince.” Said Lyra her boot tapping on the stone floor. 

“What is your name?” Asked Ron. 

“Her name is Lyra Eliza Black,” Said Now Headmistress McGonagall. “She is Severus’s daughter as she says. She was hidden away before you guys started to school, and then she got her mastery in Paris. But she is who she says she is. Before you came Severus raised her here while he taught his classes.”

“Who's her mother?” asked Hermione.

Lyra laughed, she thought, stupid muggleborn, did she not listen to anyone this must be the Granger dad complained about. “Granger is it?” Hermione nodded. “I have no mother. I have a sire and a bearer. Severus, my dad gave birth to me, when he was starting his Seventh year of Hogwarts. If you want my exact sire that would be my dad’s rapist Sirius Black. The man who was my papa though, that’s Regulus Black. Your “professor Snape” is actually Severus Tobias Black. Widower of Regulus Black, and my dad”.

Harry stepped forward and spoke “he’s dead. Voldemort killed him.” His green eyes barely looking at the witch. He already knew what she spoke that shocked the others. 

She snarled “then where is his body so he can properly be buried next to my papa”.

The golden trio stared at each other like they couldn’t figure out what to say. 

Lyra hissed “you bastards, you bloody fucking Bastards! You left him where he died. What if I did that to Remus Lupin or my cousin Tonks? Or your own parent's Potter? He’s my dad! And you just left him there! Where is he?!”

Harry spoke “the boathouse”.

He led her there, though she easily knew the way. She had played there with the very man they were going to find dead as a child. He took her on the lake, in the very boats that were stored there. The cold rain pelted her wild curls. Typical Scottish summer she thought.

But this land was her home. She was born at St Mungos in London, she lived her first few years in a cottage by the sea, then Hogwarts, then back to the cottage with her grandmother, and then when she finally thought she could be free from hiding, Paris for her mastery. 

The Blacks were as English as they come. The family had lived in London since Queen Elizabeth the first sat on the throne. The Princes, however, were from the Highlands. Her grandmother’s heavy accent regularly giving away her place of birth even though she could speak fluent French. 

She knew her grandmother would want to come home when she heard the news. She would care for Severus’s grave as she was unable to care for him in life. The war had aged Lyra’s father more than anything else. So many forgot he was not yet even forty. For a wizard, even one with a muggle father that was quite young. She should have decades with him. Maybe even a half-century. 

She knew it would likely speed along her grandmother’s death when she got the news. She was barely hanging on as it was. 

Lyra left Potter standing in the doorway as she ran to her dad. He lay in a pool of his own blood, darkened with time he had laid there. And yet his chest was still rising. He was alive. She screamed at Potter from where he stood “he’s still alive you fucking nitwit! Go get a stretcher!”

Severus’s eyes opened and he rasped “you aren’t suppose to be here Lyra”. 

“You shouldn’t speak dad, and beyond that, they wouldn’t have checked on you if it wasn’t for me.” He reached for her small pale hand and clings to it. As much he wished to see Regulus again, Lyra needed him.

******

Severus was in a medically induced coma for a month. He would never be the same again. The venom damaged his nervous system. He had places where he felt nothing, others where he felt far too much pain. His voice, the thing everyone who had known him remembered. Was now wispy and soft. But he was alive. And that’s what mattered the most. 

Lyra hated that Harry Potter hung around like a lost duckling. He wanted Severus to tell him his memories were a lie, that Sirius Black was a good man. That wasn’t the case. The man who sired her was a monster. He thought only for himself. His own Godson was just a fill-in for his dead friend. 

So one night she sat him down and said “Not everyone’s father teaches them to play quidditch or buys them their first wand, some are monsters. Sometimes Potter you just don’t really know the man. But my dad? Say one wrong thing and I will rip your throat out. I am a Black still you know. And we are prone to madness.”

He nods at her and says “Lyra I know that. Sn- Severus saved my life more times than I can count. I spoke to the few alive who knew Sirius back then. They admitted he was capable of such things.”

“Then why must you hang around like a lost puppy. Dad needs me to care for him now that he’s home. Grandma isn’t doing that well her own self. I am the only one working, and have to keep a roof over our heads. Do you even understand what I am going through? I am stressed to my limit. I am this close to snapping, and Harry Potter it’s isn’t going to be pretty when I do” cried Lyra, tears on her pale cheeks and in her black eyes.

“Lyra Eliza Black I am in love with you that’s why I am here, it has nothing to do with Severus, your dad.” Said Harry James Potter his green eyes staring into her black, he reached for her pale hand. She shoved him away as if he was a dangerous snake. He may be no snake, but he was just as dangerous.

“Get the fuck out Potter. I have no time for your shit. I have a dad to help give a bath to, a grandma to remind her to take her potions, potion orders to finish, and I haven’t even eaten anything today. And I blame you for my dad is this way. If you would have realized he wasn’t dead the damage might not be as bad. So I blame you! It’s your fault! Just as much as Voldemort, just as much as that snake, you and your stupid ignorant friends didn’t help matters.” She screamed. 

“I did not realize he was alive Lyra, and I am truly sorry, I will regret till the day I die. But I will leave and never bug you or your father again. I will try and get the ministry to pay Severus his salary from Hogwarts and help you get the Prince estate. It’s the least I can do for all the harm I have caused. And here,” he said to her as he handed her paperwork.

“You are the heiress of the Black estate. Your Regulus’s daughter and you're also in a way Sirius’s. The Black properties, vaults and so on are all yours. This should make your lives a little easier.”

He left without another word. 

She cried. She was a liar, she liked Harry Potter. He was a little young for her, but he had been through so much. If she could set aside her stubborn nature they really had a shot. But she had ruined it, she always shoved people away. 

Severus stood using his forearm crutches to balance, he still was wobbly, but he was upright at least. His quiet raspy voice said to her “go after him if you care for him too.”

“Dad I can’t,” she said.

“Yes-s you-u can-n” he struggled to say. He looked so drained, so tired. He had come so far, but he would never be the man he once was.

”Harry Potter is like his father,” he said to her “he loves a woman whose an amazing person, and he’s foolish about the way he’s going about it. He’s a good man though.”

”Dad you hate the Potters” she said.

”James, not Harry. He’s very much like Lily. And he’s a good man.”

”No dad and that’s the end of it. He’s too young for me anyway.”

Severus sighed “people use to say I was too old for your papa. That he could do so much better, but we were so very happy and that’s all that matters.”

”Dad enough. It’s done with. Bath and then your potions. And then dinner. I know you haven’t eaten today. And don’t try lying to me” She said.

“Fine, but this isn’t the end of this.”

“Yes it is” she said. 

He rolled his black eyes at her as she helped him towards the loo.

*******

A year later Harry Potter married Ginny Weasley. It was all for the better thought Lyra. She sat in the back with her dad on her left and Mrs Malfoy on the right. Narcissa had taken a strong liking to her. Lyra liked her to a point. The woman was family, and the last connection she had to her papa. 

She danced with Harry later that night. She was dressed in a black lace dress that left little to the imagination. She did not, however, look like she was happy for the couple. And she wasn’t. And the way Harry clung to her? He too wished his new wife was her. As their dance ended he whispered into her left ear “it could of been you”.

She said nothing and joined her father at the table he rested. There would be other men. If not here in England, she would visit Paris again for a few days. Surely she would meet someone again who set fire to her soul like Harry Potter did. 

Or maybe she would actually be what people tried to claim her father did, in love with a person who was married to someone else. Who wanted nothing to do with them. 

*******

Years later Ginny Potter walked in on her husband having sex with one Lyra Eliza Black. 

She said nothing, she pretended like she saw nothing. Better to be in an unhappy marriage than no longer be a Potter. She was never going to give Harry his divorce. But she did have a few hexes she was going to put on Lyra. Snape’s tenure as headmaster taught her a few things, that would work beautifully for a situation just like this. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed? I mean it’s enjoyable to write, but I wouldn’t call it anywhere close to happy. Cough. Harry. And Sirius. Lyra. They did it to themselves, mostly 
> 
> Only ones I feel sad for is Regulus and Severus


End file.
